Fuck you Dan Foutz

Dear ABC,
When there is an important college football game between two very competitive teams, do not have an alumnus of one of the schools (Oregon) doing the play-by-play.

Thanks, Michael

What a fucking joke. Pretty gutty win by the Bears though...

Fuck you Roenick?

The origin

This is the first of a two part series in which I shall be presenting a historical time line of the career Jeremy Roenick. The thing that many newer fans to the game (myself included) may not realize, is that at one point, at one point, Roenick was not all that bad. In fact, he was pretty fucking good; however, once Jeremy left the city of Chicago, something changed, namely the skills of Roenick. While he was still "good" by many peoples standards, he was not even close to the player who wore number 27 for the Chicago Blackhawks.

Let's jump into the Pensieve and take a trip back in time shall we?

The year is 1988. Jeremy Roenick is about to start his professional career in the NHL. Below are the meaningful statistics taken from Roenick's first eight years in the league, while playing for the Chicago Blackhawks.

SEASON	Team	GP	G	A	PTS	+/-	PP	SH	GW	GT
1988-89	Chicago	20	9	9	18	4	2	0	0	0
1989-90	Chicago	78	26	40	66	2	6	0	4	0
1990-91	Chicago	79	41	53	94	38	15	4	10	1
1991-92	Chicago	80	53	50	103	23	22	3	13	0
1992-93	Chicago	84	50	57	107	15	22	3	3	3
1993-94	Chicago	84	46	61	107	21	24	5	5	1
1994-95	Chicago	33	10	24	34	5	5	0	1	0
1995-96	Chicago	66	32	35	67	9	12	4	2	2

If I am not objective in my hatred for Roenick, than I am nothing. Hence, I give credit where credit is due. Look at those numbers. Particularly the '92-'94 seasons, Roenick was not just good, he was fucking dynamic. In '92, not only was he a plus player (if you score 100 points and are not a plus player then you must be Marc Savard), of his 53 goals, nearly 1/4 of them were goals that put his team up once and for all. That is clutch people. Now don't get me wrong, Roenick was still sucking cock off the ice, but on the ice, the dude was dominating. He averaged over a point a game for six years in a row. It's more than just the stats, which were impressive in and of themselves, it's the way he carried himself. Roenick's passion and dedication to his craft were admirable. He worked hard, stuck up for himself, defended teammates, agitated the opponent, while posting such spectacular numbers. Essentially, he did it all. If Captain Unibrow, no, Captain Dickless, I mean Captain Marleau played with the passion and aggression that good 'ol JR did, perhaps our Sharks would have made it past the second round in the last two seasons, eh?

Oh, you thought I was done lathering Roenick's balls? Wrong. There's more, and with that I present Roenick's playoff stats!!!

1988-89	Chicago	10	1	3	4	0	1	0	1	0	0	0
1989-90	Chicago	20	11	7	18	-1	4	0	1	0	0	0
1990-91	Chicago	6	3	5	8	2	1	0	1	0	0	0
1991-92	Chicago	18	12	10	22	11	4	0	3	0	0	0
1992-93	Chicago	4	1	2	3	0	0	0	0	0	0	0
1993-94	Chicago	6	1	6	7	4	0	0	1	0	0	0
1994-95	Chicago	8	1	2	3	-2	0	0	0	0	0	0
1995-96	Chicago	10	5	7	12	6	1	0	1	0	0	0

At age 20, Roenick's Blackhawks made a deep run in the post-season, with Roenick tallying 11 goals and 7 assists. 18 points, 20 games, 20 years old. I'm 20 years old right now, and I'm sitting here (shirts off--fucking heat), writing this blog. Advantage Roenick. There's no faster way to my heart, than performing well in the post-season. Roenick accomplished this, not only at age 20, but for the next two years he continued to average ABOVE a point a game in the playoffs, while leading the Blackhawks to the cup finals (they were swept) in '92. Had they won that year, there is little doubt in my mind, that Roenick and his 22 points and +11 rating would have won the Conn Smyth trophy for playoff MVP. I don't need to summarize the data any further, you can clearly see that this guy was balling at teams when balling was most needed. He followed up his magnificent regular season performances with even better results in a much, much tougher playoff environment. To celebrate his accomplishments with Chicago, I found this awesome clip for your viewing pleasure. Even if you don't want to look at Roenick's ugly mug, the music that accompanies this clip is, let's just say, the stuff of champions...

Admit it, after reading this entry and watching that clip, I've made you a Roenick believer. Don't worry, if this was the Yin the next entry shall be the Yang, and you will absolutely agree that while Roenick had a nice eight year duration in the NHL, he quickly became asshole numero uno.

"If u c Roenick"

WARNING: After reading this entry, you may think I'm a homosexual--not that there's anything wrong with that, except it is not true in this case. I am going to take a song by the pathetically sad and emo band "Something Corporate" and turn it into my own special melody. For those who are not familiar with the song "If u c Jordan" Here are the lyrics. Note: while I could see how many might think that the "red head bitch" mentioned in the song refers to yours truly, it is not.

"If u c Roenick" by Michael Hates Roenickalot

I have a tale of bitter pointlessness,
For everyone to hear
About this hockey player who I just fucking hate,
And thats just the truth
They say hes playing in San Jose
And as you know
Im all swelled up with rage
Cuz I cant get him out of my mind
If you see Roenick
If you see Roenick
He makes me ill
He makes me ill
Your careers over
Your careers over
And you still wont quit

You tried to wear us down
While playing for our team and man I think that sucks
Nearly cried as I watch you
And you skate round so slow
Did you know you are a jerkoff?
Theres too many of you in this game.

If you see Roenick
If you see Roenick
He makes me ill
He makes me ill
Your careers over
Your careers over
And you still wont quit

You say its competivness but its selfishness
That lead meto this shitty attempt at a song
I'll play it often
Just at least until you're released
You'll stop at nothing to reach 500
And everything up to thats all BS
You tried to brainwash all your teammates

If you see Roenick
If you see Roenick
He makes me ill
He makes me ill
Your careers over
Your careers over
And you still wont quit

Fuck you Roenick
Fuck you Roenick
You make me ill
You make me ill
Your careers over
Your careers over
I dont care if you dye your hair lighter blond
You're still washed up trash.

I'm back, from outer space.

I've returned to the blogging community, after an extended one-year+ vacation. What's changed? Three Things: 1) blogger gets bought by those corporate assholes over at google 2) blogger ads a new spell check feature (very cool) 3) the Sharks sign ultra douchebag, Jeremy Roenick.

The glass is either half full, of half empty. I prefer the former, personally, unless it's filled with shitty beer or Diet Sprite. But seriously, that famous platitude works perfectly for this situation. On one hand, Sharks fans world wide are stuck with Jeremy Roenick. On the other hand, it has rejuvenated, refueled, renewed, whatever my passion for writing; however, instead of having a nice family blog devoted to the greatest team in the history of sport, I will instead focus most all of my energy in opposition to Roenick, and everything for which he stands.

If you think this is fake, affected scorn towards Roenick, think again. It's been nearly two years since, but I've been against this asshole for a long, long time. Have a look.

http://sharkshockey.blogspot.com/2005/09/please-just-shut-fuck-up-for-once.html

and

http://sharkshockey.blogspot.com/2005_10_01_archive.html (the entry closest to the top).

More to come. Fuck off Roenick.