This simple song is the exact reason why unless something within his game changes, San Jose will never win a Cup with Thornton as its marquee player.
Sunday, June 29, 2008
Monday, June 16, 2008
The Anti-Roenick Awards
Yes, ladies (who the fuck am I kidding?) and gentlemen, it is time for the first addition of the perhaps annual "Anti-Roenick Awards." As many of you may know, I hate Jeremy Roenick, thus these awards are meant to encapsulate all the qualities that Roenick lacks, and shall be awarded to the players who in the 2008 NHL Playoffs exhibited these Anti-Roenick Traits. Let us begin.
Left Wing: Henrik Zetterberg (Detroit Red Wings)
As you may know, Zäta won the Conn-Smyth trophy for playoff MVP, and he was absolutely the right choice. He is not only one of the top five forwards in the NHL, but he is the most well-rounded forward in the entire league. He excels in any situation on and off the ice. His intelligence, shot, vision, hustle, and intensity (just look at his fucking eyes) are the qualities for which every player should strive.
Center: Sidney Crosby (Pittsburgh Penguins)
He is the most talented player in the NHL. Period. Some like to disparage him by labeling him as soft. Those people are dumbshits. When Sid's team was faltering against Detroit, Crosby raised his game even higher playing with a sense of ferocity that very few players in the NHL could duplicate (especially Roenick). Many also question his captaincy at such a young age. Wrong again. He's the leader on that team both on and off the ice. On the ice his skill speaks for itself, off the ice no player is forced to partake in more meaningless interviews and stupid marketing ploys than Crosby. He handles both situations like a stud. Make no mistake about it, he is and will be the best player in the NHL for the next ten years. He's 20 years old by the way.
Right Wing: Brenden Morrow (Dallas Stars)
Of all the players to be selected to the Anti-Roenick all-star team, this guy is my personal favorite. He's probably the least skilled (his career high for points in a season is only 74), but the dude is simply a bad ass. Is there a coincidence that once Dallas stripped the Captaincy from Mickey Modano and awarded it to the much younger and more charismatic Morrow that the collective play of the team improved? Nope. Morrow has gotta be considered one of the top three leaders in hockey along with Lidström and Iginla. He's the kind of player (who for all you that have played sports) whose fearless play on the ice inspires you to attempt to replicate it. He's the classic example of why good ol' Western Canadian boys are the ones who lead you to glory. All this talk about Morrow's leadership abilities, and I've yet to mention just how awesome of a power forward he has become. Morrow is the epitome of the modern day power forward. He has the skating, hitting, and fearlessness of a champ, and combined with his awesome fitness and drive he is an absolute force out there. Here's one of my favorite clips of 5'10" 200 lbs of Canadian bad-ass Morrow drilling 6'2" 225 lbs of Euro-pussy Michalek.
You just got knocked the fuck out!
Left Defenseman: Stéphane Robidas (Dallas Stars)
What is so great about the NHL playoffs among other things, is that unlike any other sport, an unexpected player can become a hero. There is no better example of this than Robidas. With the Boucher and Zubov out, Robidas raised his game to another level. Robidas amassed a rather pedestrian 26 points in 82 regular season game, yet nearly doubled that production by producing 11 points in 18 playoff contests. The offense was great, but Dallas always put Robidas out there against the other teams top stars--the Getzlafs, Thorntons, Zetterbergs, and Datsyuks of the world, and he still managed to play incredibly well. It was pleasure to watch him surprise the world in these playoffs.
Right defenseman: Nicklas Lidström (Detroit Red Wings)
Nicklas Erik Lidström was born in Västerås, Sweden, where it was reported that he had sex before his father did. Simply put, Lidström is God. In fact, perhaps the phrase should be reversed such that God is Lidström. Tall, blond, Swedish, God may even have created himself in Lidström's image. If you do not know who this man is, he is positively one of the top three defenseman to ever play in the NHL. He's Captain of the Anti-Roenick squad, he's arguably the best player in the NHL. In short, he has no flaws. If you don't believe a clown like myself, just ask his teammates who called Lidström, "The Perfect Player." Yes, Perfect. They are absolutely correct. No player controls a game like Nick. He is the key to everything the Red Wings do, whether it effortlessly controlling his own zone or making the perfect outlet pass to start their offensive attack, Lidström does it all. I felt bad for the planet Earth when Lidström was injured in February, where in his absence the seemingly unstoppable Red Wings actually seemed human. That was because God was no longer skating with them. Sure enough, Nick returned to lead the team through the playoffs, thus becoming the first European to ever Captain a Stanley Cup team. I am not worthy to even write about this man, but I try anyways. Zetterberg took home the Conny, but one could have just as easily given it to Lidström. His ability to subtly control the game is unreal. I seem to be rambling, and to conclude things let me state that I, as a heterosexual man, would have no problem making out with Lidström if he were to ever ask me.
Goaltender: Marty Turco (Dallas Stars)
Morrow and Robidas helped the Stars reach the Western Conference Finals, but ultimately it all came down to the Rabid Wolverince Turco. His performance in the 4 OT game against San Jose was the stuff of a Roy, Brodeur, or Barasso. He was that brilliant. Consistently the best player on Dallas night in and night out, Turco showed why he is one of the top five goalies in the NHL. If he saw it, he stopped it. With the exception of Holmström sticking his fat Swedish ass in Turco's face, he was undaunted in leading his Stars where they had not been since 2000. Osgood has the cup, but Turco was the best goalie in this years playoffs.
Well folks, that concludes the first annual selection of the Anti-Roenick squad. See y'all at the NHL draft (or sooner).
Left Wing: Henrik Zetterberg (Detroit Red Wings)
As you may know, Zäta won the Conn-Smyth trophy for playoff MVP, and he was absolutely the right choice. He is not only one of the top five forwards in the NHL, but he is the most well-rounded forward in the entire league. He excels in any situation on and off the ice. His intelligence, shot, vision, hustle, and intensity (just look at his fucking eyes) are the qualities for which every player should strive.
Center: Sidney Crosby (Pittsburgh Penguins)
He is the most talented player in the NHL. Period. Some like to disparage him by labeling him as soft. Those people are dumbshits. When Sid's team was faltering against Detroit, Crosby raised his game even higher playing with a sense of ferocity that very few players in the NHL could duplicate (especially Roenick). Many also question his captaincy at such a young age. Wrong again. He's the leader on that team both on and off the ice. On the ice his skill speaks for itself, off the ice no player is forced to partake in more meaningless interviews and stupid marketing ploys than Crosby. He handles both situations like a stud. Make no mistake about it, he is and will be the best player in the NHL for the next ten years. He's 20 years old by the way.
Right Wing: Brenden Morrow (Dallas Stars)
Of all the players to be selected to the Anti-Roenick all-star team, this guy is my personal favorite. He's probably the least skilled (his career high for points in a season is only 74), but the dude is simply a bad ass. Is there a coincidence that once Dallas stripped the Captaincy from Mickey Modano and awarded it to the much younger and more charismatic Morrow that the collective play of the team improved? Nope. Morrow has gotta be considered one of the top three leaders in hockey along with Lidström and Iginla. He's the kind of player (who for all you that have played sports) whose fearless play on the ice inspires you to attempt to replicate it. He's the classic example of why good ol' Western Canadian boys are the ones who lead you to glory. All this talk about Morrow's leadership abilities, and I've yet to mention just how awesome of a power forward he has become. Morrow is the epitome of the modern day power forward. He has the skating, hitting, and fearlessness of a champ, and combined with his awesome fitness and drive he is an absolute force out there. Here's one of my favorite clips of 5'10" 200 lbs of Canadian bad-ass Morrow drilling 6'2" 225 lbs of Euro-pussy Michalek.
You just got knocked the fuck out!
Left Defenseman: Stéphane Robidas (Dallas Stars)
What is so great about the NHL playoffs among other things, is that unlike any other sport, an unexpected player can become a hero. There is no better example of this than Robidas. With the Boucher and Zubov out, Robidas raised his game to another level. Robidas amassed a rather pedestrian 26 points in 82 regular season game, yet nearly doubled that production by producing 11 points in 18 playoff contests. The offense was great, but Dallas always put Robidas out there against the other teams top stars--the Getzlafs, Thorntons, Zetterbergs, and Datsyuks of the world, and he still managed to play incredibly well. It was pleasure to watch him surprise the world in these playoffs.
Right defenseman: Nicklas Lidström (Detroit Red Wings)
Nicklas Erik Lidström was born in Västerås, Sweden, where it was reported that he had sex before his father did. Simply put, Lidström is God. In fact, perhaps the phrase should be reversed such that God is Lidström. Tall, blond, Swedish, God may even have created himself in Lidström's image. If you do not know who this man is, he is positively one of the top three defenseman to ever play in the NHL. He's Captain of the Anti-Roenick squad, he's arguably the best player in the NHL. In short, he has no flaws. If you don't believe a clown like myself, just ask his teammates who called Lidström, "The Perfect Player." Yes, Perfect. They are absolutely correct. No player controls a game like Nick. He is the key to everything the Red Wings do, whether it effortlessly controlling his own zone or making the perfect outlet pass to start their offensive attack, Lidström does it all. I felt bad for the planet Earth when Lidström was injured in February, where in his absence the seemingly unstoppable Red Wings actually seemed human. That was because God was no longer skating with them. Sure enough, Nick returned to lead the team through the playoffs, thus becoming the first European to ever Captain a Stanley Cup team. I am not worthy to even write about this man, but I try anyways. Zetterberg took home the Conny, but one could have just as easily given it to Lidström. His ability to subtly control the game is unreal. I seem to be rambling, and to conclude things let me state that I, as a heterosexual man, would have no problem making out with Lidström if he were to ever ask me.
Goaltender: Marty Turco (Dallas Stars)
Hail! to the victors valiant
Hail! to the conqu'ring heroes
Hail! Hail! to Michigan
The leaders and best!
Hail! to the victors valiant
Hail! to the conqu'ring heroes
Hail! Hail! to Michigan,
The champions of the West!
-Michigan Fight Song
Morrow and Robidas helped the Stars reach the Western Conference Finals, but ultimately it all came down to the Rabid Wolverince Turco. His performance in the 4 OT game against San Jose was the stuff of a Roy, Brodeur, or Barasso. He was that brilliant. Consistently the best player on Dallas night in and night out, Turco showed why he is one of the top five goalies in the NHL. If he saw it, he stopped it. With the exception of Holmström sticking his fat Swedish ass in Turco's face, he was undaunted in leading his Stars where they had not been since 2000. Osgood has the cup, but Turco was the best goalie in this years playoffs.
Well folks, that concludes the first annual selection of the Anti-Roenick squad. See y'all at the NHL draft (or sooner).
Sunday, June 1, 2008
The life saver.
Let's face it, this blog is on life support; however, with my new found ability to embed youtube videos within blog posts, the future looks promising.
To celebrate, here is a video of Roenick getting his ass kicked.
On to hockey. Is Pittsburgh losing to Detroit a surprise? Not to us at Release Roenick, afterall, it was us who welcomed Pittsburgh into the exclusive club of teams that suck so bad, that Roenick beat them. Seriously, no team eliminated by Roenick deserves to hoist the Cup, right?
To celebrate, here is a video of Roenick getting his ass kicked.
On to hockey. Is Pittsburgh losing to Detroit a surprise? Not to us at Release Roenick, afterall, it was us who welcomed Pittsburgh into the exclusive club of teams that suck so bad, that Roenick beat them. Seriously, no team eliminated by Roenick deserves to hoist the Cup, right?
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